I'm feeling wretched. So completely disgusted with myself for all the things that I feel and for all the things that I want to do but cannot. I'm obsessed with some things that aren't mine. And every living minute I get reminded of that. Still, however fucking much I try to leave it I can't. I find myself running to it every time unable to curb my fucked up feelings. Losing my bearings and feeling all the hatred in the world for myself.
I wish I could bomb my mind, get thrown away miles listening to "Crawling" and see everything around me in slow motion. Die. Yeah fuck. I'm just another frustrated little peep.
I feel wretched 'coz people tell me that I'm a miserable cheat. No I feel wretched 'coz I've done things that I try to escape from the guilt every moment of my life. I'm a fucked up soul. I've a good family; but I myself am the last thing I'd have had in my family. Yes, I'm a scumbag and I realize it every fucking miserable moment of my life. I hate a lot of creeps out there for different reasons but I can't tell them that 'coz If I tell them I'd lose them and I don't want to sit alone and think of all the shit that I'm in and find myself more fucking, fucking, fucking pathetic than ever.
I wish I could cleanse the world of all of them and change my life. My pathetic vocabulary is not even letting me say what I want to say....I want to scream out. I want to lock myself up in a room and hear the loudest of noises; Until my fucked up ear drums split. I want you to know that I'm a fucking pervert and that I try to be nice all the time 'coz I don't want to fucking miss you in my life. And then, I sit back and realize that I'm anyway not going to get you and so I sayl yeah fuck some shit up for me. Why should I care? I want to be a paid gigolo and fuck every whore who comes my way. Does that change anything? It fucking does not.
Nothing's ever going to change. I'm caught in this miserable skin of mine and I can't fucking get out of it. I wish.....I so fucking wish I could blow up the world. Do me a favor; Care me a FUCK ....!!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 steps to heaven:
i want to lift entire paragraphs and quote them on here to tell them how amazingly, poignantly realistic they are, but i'd have to lift the entire post. shit man, you aren't alone in feeling that, and you definitely don't need to refrain from telling people exactly what you think of them. don't change, just live with yourself. you will, eventually, you know that, so just do it and save yourself that much pain
you hav a good family and the only thing you wudnt hav in ur family is you...Sharan, we r all in the same fucking boat, swimming in the same sea, not knowing where we r heading...
...and if u still have the emotional magnanimity to take me where we left off...
sigh.
Post a Comment