I can't be blamed for swearing, for thinking everything is happening in black and white or for thinking I'm totally fucked up.
I really shouldn't be.
Because it is just that fucking old way and nothing is changing. Absolutely nothing. I am told to be confident and go ahead. But why don't the world understand that I'm not. And I don't know what I need to change to change anything inside me. I'm not ready. I might never be. And I want the fucking world to understand that. There are things I'm not confident about. Things I know if I attempt I'll just make a jackass of myself. And they say I'm not trying.
I can't tell you that I love you mostly 'coz I know that you'll never love me, 'coz I know that you already like someone else and that I'm never gonna measure up to him. I remain pissed off with myself 18 hours of the day. I'm moody and I'm shady and I'm vulnerable and I want someone to help me. I can't plead you to help me 'coz I was not taught to plead. I won't. But I still want YOU to help me. Show me a way out. I want to be pampered and taken care of.
I'm not brave enough to tell the world that I can be soft, that I sometimes feel helpless.
And now I'm totally disgusted with myself. The person that I'm. The way that I'm. Ask me if If I've ever wished to be someone else and I'll say "all the time".
Let me be someone else. Let me be someone who'd have the guts to feel confident enough to tell her that he loves her, someone stronger, someone just better.
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2 steps to heaven:
you're fine just the way you are. we all are that way man, though we ask others to do stuff...we can't really understand their point of view and we're stymied by ours. don't change for anything man. its not worth it
i know dude...n always stick by that. juz an off time, kinda swam deep within n i realized things might have been better if i were someone else.
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