Packing up

You know. I was thinking what if I hadn't told you. If I hadn't told you I could have continued telling you lies.

I told you my grand design. The one I was working on. I told you I had saved some money for something and was now spending on other things since the thing I saved it for won't happen anymore.

There were those things I did without telling you. Things that didn't appear in me. Things I had to squeeze in to my routine when I was sure no one was watching.

Like driving to your home when you were not at home. Being around there.

Like waiting at the bus stop for you to come, only to know you took a different route. It was fun yeah.

Like asking you to come online 'coz I was feeling bored. I wonder if you'd have come had you really known why.

Like taking an extra copy of your board examination's mark list. Souvenirs.

Like feeling I was floating somewhere at Sahara over an oasis when you said you'd call.

Like restraining myself from messaging you every minute. Like stopping myself from messaging you for days at end to see if you'd drop a message asking why.

(Darn. Am I getting emotional? Sob sob. Wait. Let me sigh too. Yeah now. Read on.)

Like trying to tell you that you don't need to guard yourself against me. That the only place I can be is on your side.

Like, coming to terms with a few realities.

Like understanding that the person that I'm right now owes a lot to you. I've changed. And I learned it all from you. I'm a better person now. I see the light on your face when I talk to you. :-)

I should rename my blog something like "My eternally obsessed self" or something. I just might.